Advice for Emili

(Since it is getting near to wedding season, I thought I would share this piece that was written for a friend’s daughter and read at her bridal shower.)

I wrote a little rhyme; I hope you don’t mind

With all the advice coming your way,

It’s important to read these lines each day.

The main message is: Don’t do what I do!

It’s really not healthy for him or for you.

DON’T fix him his breakfast first thing on a mornin’,

A man must learn early the rules of adornin’.

A lady needs her first cuppa delivered to her bed

If she’s to start her day with a clear and fresh head.

DON’T wonder out loud if he will ever change the toilet roll,

Just do it and be grateful he found the toilet bowl hole.

DON’T retrieve his wet towel from the floor,

Unless he is watching from the bedroom door.

In that case sensuously slink to sweep it onto his head

And then run like mad as he returns to bed!

DON’T lay in bed naked like a feast prepared.

A man wants to feel like he has caught what he dared;

That he has fought his way to the buried treasure,

To gleefully uncover it measure by measure.

DON’T be his mommy, he has one of those,

Who already taught him how to wipe his own nose.

If you do, in ten years you will be a lone mother

To two small children and their overgrown brother!

DON’T attack him with complaints that begin with ‘you’,

He won’t hear the rest of the sentence if you do.

Be ready with praises, and slow to complain,

Make your mind known like a gentle-falling rain.

DON’T lose your own identity in this union,

It is with God that you have first communion.

Your man fell in love with ‘you’ at a cost,

If ‘you’ disappears, he’ll be hunting what is lost.

With prayers and best wishes for a lifetime of adventure,

Lois Loban Stuckenbruck

April 2005

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About Lois Loban Stuckenbruck

Trained as a Ballerina, then completed a BA in Business Adm and English Literature at Milligan College. More recently trained to be a lay pastor (Reader) in the Church of England. Wife of a Biblical Scholar, Mother of three. I'm an American who has also lived many years in England and Germany (currently Munich). I have worked as an Editorial Assistant, Systems Manager (Xerox Stars on Ethernet Network), and several positions in higher education fundraising (Alumni and Development).
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